Near the End, Nearer to a New Beginning

Two more weeks of school left of my undergraduate career! I can't believe it! I don't think it's really sunk in quite yet and it probably won't till I get myself a job. It's quite exciting but sad at the same time; bittersweet if you will. I'm hopeful for a new beginning and great things (independence for one), but I'll be leaving my old friends behind to make more friends. While I will miss my friends dearly I know they will also one day have to leave for greater and better things too. For now, it's my time to do just that.

Here I am, four days before I am 23; hopeful, scared, unexperienced, fresh, and willing to learn new things. I'm almost there, 23, my ideal age. I hope it lives up to everything I hoped for.

A new chapter of my life is beginning...(deep breath)

What's this?!

If you have grown up in a Chinese family you understand how it is growing up not being able to date or talk to the other sex without knowing that if you got caught talking to them that you would have a lot of explaining to do later. Ever since I can remember my mom told my sister and I "No dating till after you graduate from college and you have a good job and you can support yourself!" We would ask why and she would always say because we should focus on our studies and boys are a waste of time. Which maybe isn't far from the truth! haha. But even having guy friends causes problems with my mother. We constantly have to convince her that a friend is just a friend and nothing more, we can only talk but if anything more happens it's just not acceptable; going to a movie or grabbing lunch with a guy friend is questionable to my mother. But once you reach that point in your life that you have been out of school for a while parents and grandparents are all of sudden on your back questioning why you aren't married yet and with kids! The switch is so extreme it's absolutely ridiculous! They expect us to grow up not talking to boys or have anything to do with them to why aren't you married yet? If we actually listened to our parents and never talked to the opposite sex we would never be socially capable to interact with the other sex to date let alone to get married!

However, last night I was finally given the permission from my mother to date! ha! I was telling her how grandma was already telling me earlier that day that I was graduating soon and how I should probably have a boyfriend now. My mom says under breath, "I don't care, you can have a boyfriend if you want to." Wow, I didn't think I'd ever hear those words come out of her mouth.

Elevators are Awkward

I've said it once and I'll say it again...

It's Official

The fall semester has started. If all goes as planned, this will be the last semester of my undergraduate college career. Yikes. It sounds so final, and too soon. But all things must come to an end at some point. I better make sure to make this last semester a memorable fun one! Because after this year, it down to serious business...or something like that.

Did you know?

So I finally moved into my new apt. and things are pretty decent. Besides the fact that the place smells like paint, the hallway smells like ass crack and armpit and it's smaller than the old apt. things are fine so far. We do live right by the new apartment complex filled with rich kids. They like to stay up late and drink on their balconies while yelling at pedestrians passing by. Not so great when you are trying to sleep at 2am and they are dropping glass bottles from their balconies...damn those rich kids.

In other news, since when did they start putting "Did you know?" factoids on sweet & sour packets? I sorta feel that the two are completely unrelated, but maybe it's not? Are we all getting dumb these days that food companies feel like it is their job to educate the general public? Or is it that we are all so hungry for knowlege that the best way of feeding it to us is literally putting it on our food???

Mousie Mousie

Kat and I finally found a place to live! phew. Well we still need to turn in the lease and our deposit but when that is over it is settled. I already looked at the place and our room looks like a bigger version of a dorm room. My new bedroom will be half the size of the one I have now and I'm just hoping my stuff will fit in there. It's like living in a box, not many windows and stuffy. But it's not all that bad, but then again I did only see the model. Not the actual room I'll be living in. I was telling my mom about the place and expressed concern about how it seemed almost too good to be true. It is cheap and in the campus area and they offer semester leases! Since I have only seen the model I wonder if there will be rats in my room.

My mother's response to this was to tell me about how we have rats in our house now and in the old house we had rats too. Mice maybe, not rats...She then proceeded to tell me about one time my dad set out mouse traps around the house and he caught one but it was still alive and when he went to retrieve it, it got away. But from then on there were no more mice in our house. This is her reasoning why there were no more mice in our house anymore: "You know why there were no more mice in the house???!!! That's because the mouse that got away went to all the other mouses and told them, "DON'T GO IN THAT HOUSE! IT'S DANGEROUS!!!!", yeah that's what the mouse did, it may sound crazy but I believe this! Rats are like humans, they're smart!" haha It's too funny, I couldn't stop laughing on the other line, just the way she said it was classic too! But who knows maybe that's what really happened! :) If you would like to hear a reenactment of it, call me! heehee

Look For Me In The Next Upcoming Comics

Is It Just Me Or Does It Seem Obvious?

I was sitting at the terrace with a friend dipping our feet in the lake when a guy stands next to us and asks, "So, is this a lake or a river?"

Well, if anyone has ever seen Lake Mendota, you can clearly see there is land all around the Lake. But maybe it's not as obvious as I think it is? Is this guy for real? Or is this his idea of a pick up line? ha.

Ok Go- "A Million Ways"

I enjoy this video and I hope you do as well! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkCfh7ayDms&search=Ok%20Go

Nostalgic

Everytime I look back at old baby pictures and then see pictures of me today, I get a weird feeling. It's more of a "WHOA!!! How did I get here?? How did this happen???!! How did this girl (younger) become THIS girl (older)???!!" I feel sorta old and then it makes me wonder what I will look like in the future. I long for the good ol' days sometime and wish for my young innocence back and then I see where I am today and wonder how in the world did I ever get here and have done things I have done. It's a really humbling experience really. I see myself as a child and I can still remember what went through my mind when I was that young and how shy I used to be, I still am but to a lesser degree. When I was little I always dreamed that my adulthood (20's mostly) would be the best years ever. I would be outgoing and happy with life, even though I am not the most outgoing person I know, I believe I've improved a great deal since grade school and I may not be insanely happy now, but I'm content now and hopefull that one day I'll be happy happy happy. Looking back on it, I'm proud that I have done some the things I done and known some of the people I've known.

As the years pass I have really taken great appreciation for my friends. They are really the best people I know and I love them dearly. I often wonder how did I become so lucky to know them and what makes me so special to be in their lives? Do they appreciate me as much as I appreciate them? But I try not to worry about that too much, as long as they talk to me and seem friendly to me, that is enough. I'm lucky in many ways and I'm glad that I am where I am today. Yes, there could be improvement but I am content for now.

Moooooooo

The cow parade has made it to Madison!!! When I first saw these in Chicago I thought they were ugly and stupid but now that they are in here in Madison I think they're neat! It gives people something fun to do while they take walks. People around the city have been taking their turns getting their pictures taken with the cows. One man even asked to have his picture taken with a cow on my camera. heehee There are 101 cows in Madison but not all of them are in the downtown area. These cows will be auctioned off and the money goes to non-profit organizations and charity. More pictures can be found at: www.sarahleemyphotoalbum.com. And more pictures still need to be taken! :)

Haircut

No folks, this is not a wig. I got a haircut! I haven't had my hair this short since grade school!! Craziness! Well some people think I look like an old woman with this haircut...do I really? One friend went as far as saying that I look like his mother and his mom has the same hairstyle! haha

The Return of the Wig Party

So we had another great wig/dress wacky/dress up party! This time it was with different people and since weather outside sucked not as many showed up as wanted but it was still great times at our house. :P Thanks for all that did come though, you made it quite a memorable night!!! haha More pictures at: www.sarahlee.myphotoalbum.com

Lights

Another fun digital collage I made! Yup, that Valerie in the corner! :) She looks like a little caterpillar. cuuute!

Printing Fiasco

I almost had a heart atack on Monday! I had to get a poster I made printed for ePICS expo so we could present to everyone what we did for the semester in the class. I tried to get it printed on a Sunday but the first place I went to told me they stop printing at 4pm, then I went to College Library but they have special "printing people" that come at 4:30pm because the rest of the staff is too idiotic to work the machine. gahh! So I decided they were stupid and left the place thinking that I would skip class the next morning to get the poster printed off at the first place I went to. I knew it was risking it but I figured I'd be one of the first ones there. But to my surprise there were 3 people in front of me that had 5 posters to print before it was my turn. So I got there at 9am and they told me it would probably start printing at noon. I was a nervous wreck during that whole time and couldn't really get anything done. So noon came around and I walked up to the desk to see how the progress was coming and the guy sitting up there was like "oh, it didn't process through can you send it again?" He didn't even tell me!!! If I wouldn't have gone up there my poster would have never gotten printed!!!! argh! So my turn got skipped for another kid's ePICS poster and his file was huge! So the printer was only printing 2 centimeters/5seconds. Well something like that. It was ridiculous! So after his was finished at 3:15pm!!!!! (Note: the expo is in a hour and 15min!!!) It was finally my turn. And just my luck...my poster didn't want to print at all. The printer didn't want to process it. I dunno why and I don't know if it's my file or the printer. But after many different tries and many different computers at 4:30 something finally printed off! Except it was a lot smaller than it was supposed to be I was glad something came out at least to show off my hard work. So I made it late to the expo with the poster in hand my team surprisingly were very grateful to me. I have to say I love my team! :D But worst of all is that I spent all day trying to get that poster printed and at the end of all of this the instructor gets to take it and keep it for himself!!! grrr...

Well at least my experience maybe is better than what I heard from other ePICS groups. Some of them spent 200 some dollars on printing their poster(s). Absolutely ridiculous! Since mine came out smaller than wanted it was only $10!!! haha But only $24 if printed the right size. Large difference in comparison! Phew...now I can take a deep breath and be glad that ePICS is finally over! :)

Chicago Weekend

It's been nice to get away from school for a while but now i have a lot to catch up on! The pictures are now up on my photo site, www.sarahlee.myphotoalbum.com. Please go there to enjoy and reminisce about the good ol' days..

Deep Breaths

Do you ever spot someone you see but you pretend not to see them? It's not even someone you dislike, it maybe someone you like but because it's "too far away" or you're just too plain darn lazy to get up and say "hi" to them you just let them pass by. Or is it perhaps you have nothing to say them? I never know if it's better to go out of my way to say "hi" or to just let it pass by. I think I usually let it pass by...bad of me I think. I find that lately I've been overly insecure of myself. I never want to "bother" anyone, so therefore, when I may see them in the street I sometimes don't say anything to them because I'm afraid they don't want to spend the time to talk to me or they don't want to talk to me. I'm afraid that I'll be "that person" that everyone tries to avoid. "Oh crap! She saw me and now I'll have to make small talk!" Either that or they're just too busy to talk to me and I don't want to waste their time. I know I probably sound crazy and totally insecure...but hey I can't help it. I can't assume that everyone likes me and wants to take the time to make small talk with me...or can I? After all nobdoy doesn't like sara(h) lee! ha.

In other news...I can't wait till the semester is over! I have no motivation this semester whatsoever!!! I dunno exactly what is wrong with me...I think it might be the senioritis kicking in! ack! It sucks. I definitely need a break and someone to kick me in the butt and give me some inspiration. I do have one more semester to go yet... And to top it off, this day isn't starting off so great. Take a deep breath Sarah...

Elevators

It's very funny to me when you get on a elevator with random strangers on it, usually neither of you say anything to each other or look at anything but the floor, wall, or ceiling. It's a short, awkward, polite silence that makes me giggle inside sometimes. teeheehee :)

Oh yes another thing, I LOVE NICE PEOPLE!!!! COOL PEOPLE ROCK!!!!! YAY FOR AWESOME PEOPLE!!!

Reminder to Self...

Mountain Dew gets me drunk...

My Most Memorable Years

So I'm one of the many that are horrible at keeping in touch with their friends. But if someone does try to keep in touch with me I will usually send back a message or a phone call. It's just hard during college when everyone is so busy I don't want to bother anyone and half the time I don't really know if they care about my uncontrollable ramblings. So I'm usually on a don't tell till they ask sort of basis. Don't get me wrong I love and cheerish my friends dearly it's just that we're all so busy that I don't want to impose any one. However, from time to time I do try to send out a quick message to a friend I haven't spoken to in a long time just to check in and see how they're doing. I do have to admit that online networking sites such as facebook.com and myspace.com has actually helped in this area. I have now been able to keep in touch with more friends and family easier than I have before by sending out casual messages back and forth. Not only that, but I have been able to look at their pictures and see what they've been up to, and that's the most fun part. :)

I've had some of the best friends through my elementary-middle school years. I went to a small Catholic school so everyone in the class knew each other all pretty well. In 8th grade we were dubbed "The 12 apostles" to Sr. Lois our religion teacher. A few of us also knew each other since kindergarden. Imagine knowing someone for 9 years and then never talking to them again. It's such a weird/sad thing. I really grew close these people and right when I was really feeling comfortable with everyone we all had to split up and go our seperate ways to high school. I'm not sure what about grade school I liked so much, but perhaps it was the innocence we all shared... There have been many times when I think back about my grade school days and wonder how everyone is doing and I long to see them and talk to them again. Everything I remember of them is when they were 13 or younger. So when and if I ever see these people again that is all I know of them and I expect them to be that same person. But the truth is that they won't be, they'll be different and grown up and even completely unrecognizable in person. I have some fond memories of my childhood and the friends I had back in the day. And if I could have a class reunion with them I would. Screw high school, I'm not attending that one, I did make a few friends in high school but my friends in grade school were the bomb. But then again...maybe I don't want to see these old friends again...maybe it'll ruin my expectations of them?

The craziest thing is when you lose touch with someone that was once close to you and you see a picture of them years later and you can't even recognize them anymore. A few months ago I went back home and met up with some friends and bumped into an old friend of mine back in first grade! We didn't even recognize each other at all. But we had a mutual friend and she was standing there like "You guys know each other, you went school together!" and we both look at each other thinking "what? she's crazy! I don't know her!", but then she said our names "Lindsay, Sarah Lee..." Then we were like "NOOOO WAYY!!!" We were quite shocked but after a while of looking at each other I was able to recognize her with her cute dimples that she still retained. :) It was quite amazing but at the same time it was really sad because even though we now knew each other were we did not talk to each other much that night. It's not like you can pick up where you left off when you were in first grade and be best friends again...things are different, so much has changed! It's so sad, and as much as I feel like I'm still that same girl as I was in first grade, I wouldn't try to be her best friend again because she has probably changed a lot. But really who knows, until you try and talk again? The reason why I bring this is up is because I just found out yesterday that one of my best friends in grade school Amanda Gay, has just passed away on Monday due to a car accident. As I was looking the information of the accident up I saw a high school senior picture of her and she did not look at all like I remembered her. If I passed her on the street I would not have recognized her at all...that's very sad to me. I lost touch with her pretty much after 8th grade but have always thought about her and even when I had dreams of grade school friends she was always in them. I used to go over to her house and get rides from her and her parents to school events, I even got to visit the barn her horse was kept and got to see her ride her horse! She was always a fun loving friend and super goofy and always made the class laugh! She was a great person and will definitely be missed.

Losing Patience

I have now finally come to the point in my life where if I do not feel comfortable with a group of people or person, I make it a point not to go out with them. Why try to force yourself to hang out with them when you have nothing in common? You will just end up with awkward silence and gazing around the room and trying to think of something stupid and mundane to talk about! What's the point of that? I'd rather spend my time with people I know I am comfortable with or by myself where I do not need to feel awkward and wonder why the hell I decided to hang out with these people.

A person may be super nice and cool but for some reason there is a personality clash that stops you and this other person to really connect. I'm not sure how it all works, it's a wonder to me why I don't feel comfortable with a certain person. I may like them a lot and really want to be friends with them but there's just something there that doesn't allow me to be their friend. I become their acquiantance but nothing more. We make small talk but it never goes any further than that. Sometimes I feel like it's probably because I'm in some way intimidated by them and I don't want to look stupid in front of them so I hold myself back from my idiot personality. But sometimes you just don't have ANYTHING in common. It's sooo weird how you can have conversation after conversation with someone and feel completely comfortable with them. But once you sit down and try to hold a conversation with someone else, you got nothing! You can't think of anything to talk about!!!! You sit there staring at the wall and then decide to bring up how nice they're coat is or something lame like that. Then proceed to talk about mundane things that you don't really actually care about, like where they got that coat and how much it costed. After that another awkward silence follows..."now what?" is what you're thinking and wondering when you can go home or hoping for someone to come by to save you from this dreadful conversation.

I probably now sound like a little snob that sits at home and only associates with her clique of friends. I do try to meet new people, but it's not as easy at it sounds. I'm shy, I'm an introvert, a wallflower at parties. I don't talk to people unless they talk to me. My friends think that I'm really good with small talk and can talk to anyone and even fake like i'm interested (I'm not always faking). Even if I don't hang out with someone doesn't mean that I hate them, it's just that I can't be anymore than just an aquiantance with them. So pretty much what I'm trying to say is that I'm sick of being fake and rather just avoid you! haha Well, how about I just save everyone the awkwardness and just go our separate ways? It's really a waste of time. Small talk can only go so far until you run out of dumb things to talk about. I say, if you already know you can't be any more than acquiantances with someone, don't let the small talk go longer than it has to. Go out and meet other people and make small talk and see if it goes further than that, don't waste time on awkward silences.

Booooo!!!

Alas, spring break has come and gone. And I didn't go anywhere exciting or do anything that extrodinary. :( Well...not including the Pamela Anderson, Tommy Lee porn and Paris Hilton video I saw...(god, don't ask me why and how it all came about, all I have to say about it is that I had some crazy/nightmares that night!) When I start working and making the bucks I better travel a lot to make up for this! I did go to Chicago for one day and went through the whole Art Institute building. It was great but my feet were aching after going through the whole thing. Then this past weekend my cousin from Chicago and her boyfriend came to visit me in Madison. I'm so glad she came because I've been begging her to come out and visit me at college. Believe it or not, she is 23 and this was the farthest she's been without her parents! :) YAY! Break was relaxing and I didn't do anything productive (I did have work). Today I'm sad that we are back to classes and wished that break lasted longer. ho hum.

The only exciting thing that I did discover over break was that the new iphoto version has a great color filter tool. So I've been taking pictures and digging back to old photos and putting color filters on all of them!!! Sooo much fun, ok I realize I am a dork! I showed this to my roommate and she thought I was a total nerd ( I was called a nerd 2 times this week!). haha And to think that I almost bought a one time use camera at a store that had a one color filter! Screw that when you can do it easily on iphoto digitally. I know you can do this in photoshop too but it's so much easier this way! YAY for color filters! :) So needless to say, this has been keeping me busy the past two nights! I must get an ilife upgrade on my computer somehow!

Funny Ad

Check this video out, I got a pretty good laugh at it! :D

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-890218145934088002&q=berlitz

Bridal Shower

I went to Chicago last weekend for my cousin Joanne's bridal shower. It was fun but it was a long packed bus ride going to and coming back. Not to mention the weather was super cold last weekend!
Well more pictures can be found at: www.sarahlee.myphotoalbum.com

Phantom Objects & Cycles

Have you ever had an object in your way that you needed to walk around to get past? You get so used to walking around this object that it becomes natural to you. But once you move whatever it was that was in your way you're not used to it and everyday you keep walking around the object as if it was still there. It's a silly phenomenon that happens to me, and sometmes I just laugh at myself at how silly I probably look dodging around an object that doesn't exist in that spot anymore. Other times when I catch myself doing it I make myself stand in and walk through the spot that it once stood, so that I can break the cycle.

Another funny thing about cycles...
Everyday you go through a cycle. My morning cycles are all the same, get up, go to the bathroom, put my contacts on, brush my teeth, take a shower...etc. But once I break a cycle and I do one thing before another and I don't think about it I sometimes catch myself repeating what I've already done. Or sometimes I find myself in a cycle and without thinking pick up the wrong object and try to do something absurd with it. An example of this would be, trying to wash my face with shampoo, put face wash in my hair, brush my teeth with face wash...luckily I caught myself before any of these things happened!!! But when I do catch myself I take a moment to reflect how mindless cycles can get. And I will sometimes try to do something different everyday or change up my cycles to keep me thinking and keep things interesting...well this is as interesting as my life gets (changing up the order I get ready in the morning, ooooooooh)! haha I heard something that you should try to change up your cycles so that your brain will think more and be more active. I think that's supposed to be healthy...well either way, I'm sounding more like a loser everytime I blog! I better stop...

Where Is a Hot Boy When You Need One?

Brrr...it's FREEZING in our apartment!!! The maintenance came in last week to change the thermostat so that we can no longer control it (we usually keep it up at 70-75 degrees, nice and toasty) but now they keep it at something like 65 degrees...it's too cold!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I want to do is stay in bed under my covers, which leaves me at not being too productive...humpf! Okie time to get into bed, I'm turning blue and stiff...

Spring Break

I want to go somewhere fun and preferably warm for spring break. Through my college career I feel like I've missed out on going on vacations during my breaks!! I did go to San Fran a few summers ago but that doesn't count really cause I went with my sister and mom. I want to go somewhere with just friends. I think that would be really fun. I should do this before all my friends graduate and leave me behind! Now that I do have a job I think I should be able manage a few days of vacation. Well, if anyone has any suggestions as to where to go, probably somewhere in the states, give me some ideas!

Elephant Times

Here's another poster I made. Still trying to figure out if I like it or not. I was told to make a poster so that I can see how the plotter works at work but now I find out that I may have to remake another poster because of the size dimensions of this one...oh well. It's all good. I'm wasting so much time when I should be working on homework! ack! Ok time to do something productive!

I Am a Stranger to Myself

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognize yourself? Ok maybe not...but there have been many times when I have looked back at my reflection and I no longer see myself but a strange face peering back at me. It's a weird feeling and no I'm not on drugs when this happens... I feel as if my soul and body are separate for a moment, a brief second the face staring back is foreign to me and my heart jumps. My body is not mine but a stranger's. It is as if my soul was put into a random body, my body only serves as a shelter for my soul, or my body is a shell if you will.

I then often picture god assigning souls to bodies and how he would decide which ones go to which bodies. I know that's not how it really works but I'm weird and I like to think of weird things. ha I wonder how I got stuck with this body and what it would be like to be in another's body. Does it even matter what body I end up in? I would be the same soul but just in a different body... I'm sure much of this sounds like I'm tripping on something...and perhaps I am, unbeknowed to me! I remember during Thanksgiving my sister telling me about how she was having a conversation with my mom and my mom was telling her that she had an opportunity back in the day to marry a different man than my father and move to California, and my sister asked why she didn't and my mom responded that then she wouldn't have had us! I responded that we would exist but just as different people, our souls would be the same, we'd just be different looking. My sister gave me a weird look and said that I had an interesting theory. I understand that we wouldn't have existed if my mother married someone else, but I think of it as we're all unassigned souls in the beginning, and it is not until we are given bodies that we become who we are.

Well, that's food for thought...I should go to bed now and stop thinking these crazy thoughts.

Spring Cleaning

Wow, talk about spring cleaning...I just spent the last 4 hours (4 HOURS!!!!) cleaning the kitchen!!!!!!! Well at least I'm glad I was productive and not sitting around like a dope. I have my moments when I like to just clean for hours on end but it comes rarely. So when it does happen I like to make sure that I don't stop in the middle or else whatever I'm cleaning will never be cleaned. Man does this feel good. Unfortunately I know that in a few weeks what I've cleaned will probably be dirty again...ho hum.

"It's the New Kid..."

I have to say, I hate being the new kid. Today was my first day on the job and while everything went pretty okay and all, minus the small incident when I picked up the phone and started talking into it only having it still be ringing because I didn't press the Line 1 button and then when I did I forgot the name of the place I was working for...everthing was fine! ha, yes I'm a complete idiot! What I hate most is when you're new you don't know anything!!!! You're a fish out of water (off the subject: but that's one of my fears and the past couple of weeks I've been having a lot of peeing in the public eye dreams, I believe it has something to do with me feeling insecure when I looked it up on a dream interpretation site. I mention it because I also have reaccuring dreams about fish being out of water which also means being insecure...) Being at work and observing how my co-consultants handled situations made me feel inept and questioned myself if i could do this job. But I'm sure I can and I'm just being really insecure about my ablities. Learning comes with the job so I'm sure I'll know just as much as they do by the time I'm about 4 months in.

Unfortunately, I didn't really start the day off right. For some odd reason i couldn't fall asleep for the life of me on Thursday night. My body ached (esp. my neck) so much that it was bothering all night, tossing and turning to try to find a comfortable position. I've never had my body ache so bad that it's affecting my sleeping. So with two hours of sleep, 1 1/2 small white buns for breakfast and working an eight hour day without any lunch break becuase I wasn't sure how to bring up that I wanted my lunch and my stomach was starting to burn a hole in itself I kept my mouth shut. And it also seemed that my co-workers who were also working 8 hour shifts didn't take their breaks, I didn't want to take one if they didn't either...(i'm completely aware that it is to my advantage if I do). My manager kept giving me things to do that I didn't want to bring it up, until about 3:30pm while she was showing me how to log in my hours, she realized I didn't have lunch and said that I should have said something. hmpf. It's all good, but by 5pm I was spent! The walk home felt like the longest ever and I even had to eat my PB&J sandwich on the way home cause I couldn't wait. First day was long but it was good. I will not be working 8 hour shifts normally so I'm not too worried about it, and when I get a hang of it things will go more smoothly I'm sure.

Now with 2 1/2hrs of sleep and some food in me, I'm feeling better but it is a Friday night and I'm sitting at home like a loser...ho hum. Oh yes, happy Friday the 13th!

When I Was Little...

This is response to my sister's blog post, "More resolutions and a proposal" (www.michellerlee.com/blog)...

I remember when I was little time couldn't move slower! I remember laying in bed wishing I could I just jump into my 20's, skip everything that would lead up to it. I remember thinking, oooh if I could be 20 now everything would be great! I will be an adult and I'll be happy and be able to do whatever I want! I was a pretty sheltered child, deprived of hanging out with my friends and going to birthday parties and sleepovers. (I think my first sleepover at a friend's house was when I was a junior in high school!) So everything I pretty much knew of the outside world was learned through movies, tv shows and observing my friend's lives. Yes, I know this is sad and a little pathetic. But hey! What do you expect me, as a child to do? I had to learn from what I could. This could explain a lot of where my naiveness comes from but I like to think that despite this I have grown to become a well-centered person. I don't know everything there is to know about growing up and all that good stuff but who does?

When watching people in their 20's when i was little it always seemed to me that they were so much more important, much more happier. I always wanted that growing up. To be happy. My childhood was happy in it's own ways, happier now that I look back on it than it was while I was living it. I was a naive little kid growing up and I remember always regretting being it. I still sort of do, but would I really would have wanted the truth about things? I was innocent at the time and didn't know better. Well what's done is done and I can't have regrets. Looking back at me as a child has made me realize that I haven't really changed all that much. Which I like to think that I was a pretty mature kid back in the day (and not the other way around, that I'm immature now). I may have been naive about some things but I knew my fair share of what life had in store for me.

At last, I'm in my 20's. 22 to be exact. (I always though 23 would be the ideal age because my life in "the real world" would start.) But now that I'm in my 20's I don't feel any different. I feel like I'm still 18. Perhaps it's because I'm still in college and I haven't gotten out into "the real world" yet. But that time is coming soon and I'm scared. I feel like I need to buy myself more time before I get out into that world. I need more experience! I don't know anything yet! ahhhh! I can just give myself an aneurysm stressing about such things. But it's all a part of life and soon enough I will have to put myself out there and just take it all in. When I say I'm surprised I actually got this far, I really mean it. I never thought I would have. But here I am, 22. geez. This is insane! My mom believes that I lead a lucky life and has said since I was little that I am the "successful" one. I'm not sure what told her that but I do have to say that things have pretty much worked out for me one way or another and hopefully will continue to do so in the future! It's so funny when I talk to my mom. Whenever I'm needing luck for anything she always says she'll pray for me and if and when i do get the results I wanted she believes it was her prayers that were answered that got me what I wanted (I like to think that I had something to do with it as well). Well so far, so good, keep praying mom! :)

Up to this point in my life, I'm pretty happy with who I am. (well...I have my days.) I like to think I'm a good person and nice to everyone I come in contact with. (Maybe too nice to everyone sometimes...) But I have stuck to one thing that I'm proud of that I always vowed never to do when i was little. That was to never smoke a cigarette or try any illegal drugs. Maybe it doesn't sound so great of an accomplishment but I'm proud I haven't. Will I keep this vow? I sure hope so, I have no intention to start experimenting anytime soon, that's for sure. I wanted to make sure that if I died young it wasn't because of drugs or cigarettes. Weird thing to make sure of...but it was something I wanted when I was little. As a kid everything seemed so black and white but now growing up there are areas of gray. I have grown to accept certain things and realize that maybe all things aren't bad. Not to say that drugs aren't bad but that the people doing them aren't all bad and they may not be all addicts... Maybe some people just need to experiment with everything to see what's out there. What becomes bad is if they become an addict, that's when trouble hits. But I think I've become ok with people "experimenting", not saying I know a lot of people that have or do. To tell you the honest truth, if a close friend of mine told me they were doing drugs I would probably freak out and not hang out with them a lot (the naive side of me shows here). But if someone were to tell me they've tried a few things, I'd be ok more with it than if I was a child.

I keep my mind open to all viewpoints and I'm willing to listen to everyone's opinions. I try to take all things into account and make my own opinions from there on. I try not to be too judgemental but just sit and listen to what others have to say. I like other ways of seeing things and understand people's concerns about issues. I still have a lot of learning and growing to do. So in conclusion, my new year's resolution (along with many others which are more like life-long resolutions) is to look more optimistically at my future, live my life as an experience from which I can learn from and hopefully bring me to a closer understanding of what I want from life. So now that I'm in my 20's I should be try to be more happier and make my childhood dreams come true. :) Ask me in 8 years how I did! haha My motto for life is, "You live and you learn".

P.S. In other news, I got the job at the Biotechnology New Media Center! Yay! (Again, thanks mom for your prayers!)