Where Is a Hot Boy When You Need One?

Brrr...it's FREEZING in our apartment!!! The maintenance came in last week to change the thermostat so that we can no longer control it (we usually keep it up at 70-75 degrees, nice and toasty) but now they keep it at something like 65 degrees...it's too cold!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I want to do is stay in bed under my covers, which leaves me at not being too productive...humpf! Okie time to get into bed, I'm turning blue and stiff...

Spring Break

I want to go somewhere fun and preferably warm for spring break. Through my college career I feel like I've missed out on going on vacations during my breaks!! I did go to San Fran a few summers ago but that doesn't count really cause I went with my sister and mom. I want to go somewhere with just friends. I think that would be really fun. I should do this before all my friends graduate and leave me behind! Now that I do have a job I think I should be able manage a few days of vacation. Well, if anyone has any suggestions as to where to go, probably somewhere in the states, give me some ideas!

Elephant Times

Here's another poster I made. Still trying to figure out if I like it or not. I was told to make a poster so that I can see how the plotter works at work but now I find out that I may have to remake another poster because of the size dimensions of this one...oh well. It's all good. I'm wasting so much time when I should be working on homework! ack! Ok time to do something productive!

I Am a Stranger to Myself

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognize yourself? Ok maybe not...but there have been many times when I have looked back at my reflection and I no longer see myself but a strange face peering back at me. It's a weird feeling and no I'm not on drugs when this happens... I feel as if my soul and body are separate for a moment, a brief second the face staring back is foreign to me and my heart jumps. My body is not mine but a stranger's. It is as if my soul was put into a random body, my body only serves as a shelter for my soul, or my body is a shell if you will.

I then often picture god assigning souls to bodies and how he would decide which ones go to which bodies. I know that's not how it really works but I'm weird and I like to think of weird things. ha I wonder how I got stuck with this body and what it would be like to be in another's body. Does it even matter what body I end up in? I would be the same soul but just in a different body... I'm sure much of this sounds like I'm tripping on something...and perhaps I am, unbeknowed to me! I remember during Thanksgiving my sister telling me about how she was having a conversation with my mom and my mom was telling her that she had an opportunity back in the day to marry a different man than my father and move to California, and my sister asked why she didn't and my mom responded that then she wouldn't have had us! I responded that we would exist but just as different people, our souls would be the same, we'd just be different looking. My sister gave me a weird look and said that I had an interesting theory. I understand that we wouldn't have existed if my mother married someone else, but I think of it as we're all unassigned souls in the beginning, and it is not until we are given bodies that we become who we are.

Well, that's food for thought...I should go to bed now and stop thinking these crazy thoughts.

Spring Cleaning

Wow, talk about spring cleaning...I just spent the last 4 hours (4 HOURS!!!!) cleaning the kitchen!!!!!!! Well at least I'm glad I was productive and not sitting around like a dope. I have my moments when I like to just clean for hours on end but it comes rarely. So when it does happen I like to make sure that I don't stop in the middle or else whatever I'm cleaning will never be cleaned. Man does this feel good. Unfortunately I know that in a few weeks what I've cleaned will probably be dirty again...ho hum.

"It's the New Kid..."

I have to say, I hate being the new kid. Today was my first day on the job and while everything went pretty okay and all, minus the small incident when I picked up the phone and started talking into it only having it still be ringing because I didn't press the Line 1 button and then when I did I forgot the name of the place I was working for...everthing was fine! ha, yes I'm a complete idiot! What I hate most is when you're new you don't know anything!!!! You're a fish out of water (off the subject: but that's one of my fears and the past couple of weeks I've been having a lot of peeing in the public eye dreams, I believe it has something to do with me feeling insecure when I looked it up on a dream interpretation site. I mention it because I also have reaccuring dreams about fish being out of water which also means being insecure...) Being at work and observing how my co-consultants handled situations made me feel inept and questioned myself if i could do this job. But I'm sure I can and I'm just being really insecure about my ablities. Learning comes with the job so I'm sure I'll know just as much as they do by the time I'm about 4 months in.

Unfortunately, I didn't really start the day off right. For some odd reason i couldn't fall asleep for the life of me on Thursday night. My body ached (esp. my neck) so much that it was bothering all night, tossing and turning to try to find a comfortable position. I've never had my body ache so bad that it's affecting my sleeping. So with two hours of sleep, 1 1/2 small white buns for breakfast and working an eight hour day without any lunch break becuase I wasn't sure how to bring up that I wanted my lunch and my stomach was starting to burn a hole in itself I kept my mouth shut. And it also seemed that my co-workers who were also working 8 hour shifts didn't take their breaks, I didn't want to take one if they didn't either...(i'm completely aware that it is to my advantage if I do). My manager kept giving me things to do that I didn't want to bring it up, until about 3:30pm while she was showing me how to log in my hours, she realized I didn't have lunch and said that I should have said something. hmpf. It's all good, but by 5pm I was spent! The walk home felt like the longest ever and I even had to eat my PB&J sandwich on the way home cause I couldn't wait. First day was long but it was good. I will not be working 8 hour shifts normally so I'm not too worried about it, and when I get a hang of it things will go more smoothly I'm sure.

Now with 2 1/2hrs of sleep and some food in me, I'm feeling better but it is a Friday night and I'm sitting at home like a loser...ho hum. Oh yes, happy Friday the 13th!

When I Was Little...

This is response to my sister's blog post, "More resolutions and a proposal" (www.michellerlee.com/blog)...

I remember when I was little time couldn't move slower! I remember laying in bed wishing I could I just jump into my 20's, skip everything that would lead up to it. I remember thinking, oooh if I could be 20 now everything would be great! I will be an adult and I'll be happy and be able to do whatever I want! I was a pretty sheltered child, deprived of hanging out with my friends and going to birthday parties and sleepovers. (I think my first sleepover at a friend's house was when I was a junior in high school!) So everything I pretty much knew of the outside world was learned through movies, tv shows and observing my friend's lives. Yes, I know this is sad and a little pathetic. But hey! What do you expect me, as a child to do? I had to learn from what I could. This could explain a lot of where my naiveness comes from but I like to think that despite this I have grown to become a well-centered person. I don't know everything there is to know about growing up and all that good stuff but who does?

When watching people in their 20's when i was little it always seemed to me that they were so much more important, much more happier. I always wanted that growing up. To be happy. My childhood was happy in it's own ways, happier now that I look back on it than it was while I was living it. I was a naive little kid growing up and I remember always regretting being it. I still sort of do, but would I really would have wanted the truth about things? I was innocent at the time and didn't know better. Well what's done is done and I can't have regrets. Looking back at me as a child has made me realize that I haven't really changed all that much. Which I like to think that I was a pretty mature kid back in the day (and not the other way around, that I'm immature now). I may have been naive about some things but I knew my fair share of what life had in store for me.

At last, I'm in my 20's. 22 to be exact. (I always though 23 would be the ideal age because my life in "the real world" would start.) But now that I'm in my 20's I don't feel any different. I feel like I'm still 18. Perhaps it's because I'm still in college and I haven't gotten out into "the real world" yet. But that time is coming soon and I'm scared. I feel like I need to buy myself more time before I get out into that world. I need more experience! I don't know anything yet! ahhhh! I can just give myself an aneurysm stressing about such things. But it's all a part of life and soon enough I will have to put myself out there and just take it all in. When I say I'm surprised I actually got this far, I really mean it. I never thought I would have. But here I am, 22. geez. This is insane! My mom believes that I lead a lucky life and has said since I was little that I am the "successful" one. I'm not sure what told her that but I do have to say that things have pretty much worked out for me one way or another and hopefully will continue to do so in the future! It's so funny when I talk to my mom. Whenever I'm needing luck for anything she always says she'll pray for me and if and when i do get the results I wanted she believes it was her prayers that were answered that got me what I wanted (I like to think that I had something to do with it as well). Well so far, so good, keep praying mom! :)

Up to this point in my life, I'm pretty happy with who I am. (well...I have my days.) I like to think I'm a good person and nice to everyone I come in contact with. (Maybe too nice to everyone sometimes...) But I have stuck to one thing that I'm proud of that I always vowed never to do when i was little. That was to never smoke a cigarette or try any illegal drugs. Maybe it doesn't sound so great of an accomplishment but I'm proud I haven't. Will I keep this vow? I sure hope so, I have no intention to start experimenting anytime soon, that's for sure. I wanted to make sure that if I died young it wasn't because of drugs or cigarettes. Weird thing to make sure of...but it was something I wanted when I was little. As a kid everything seemed so black and white but now growing up there are areas of gray. I have grown to accept certain things and realize that maybe all things aren't bad. Not to say that drugs aren't bad but that the people doing them aren't all bad and they may not be all addicts... Maybe some people just need to experiment with everything to see what's out there. What becomes bad is if they become an addict, that's when trouble hits. But I think I've become ok with people "experimenting", not saying I know a lot of people that have or do. To tell you the honest truth, if a close friend of mine told me they were doing drugs I would probably freak out and not hang out with them a lot (the naive side of me shows here). But if someone were to tell me they've tried a few things, I'd be ok more with it than if I was a child.

I keep my mind open to all viewpoints and I'm willing to listen to everyone's opinions. I try to take all things into account and make my own opinions from there on. I try not to be too judgemental but just sit and listen to what others have to say. I like other ways of seeing things and understand people's concerns about issues. I still have a lot of learning and growing to do. So in conclusion, my new year's resolution (along with many others which are more like life-long resolutions) is to look more optimistically at my future, live my life as an experience from which I can learn from and hopefully bring me to a closer understanding of what I want from life. So now that I'm in my 20's I should be try to be more happier and make my childhood dreams come true. :) Ask me in 8 years how I did! haha My motto for life is, "You live and you learn".

P.S. In other news, I got the job at the Biotechnology New Media Center! Yay! (Again, thanks mom for your prayers!)