Losing Patience

I have now finally come to the point in my life where if I do not feel comfortable with a group of people or person, I make it a point not to go out with them. Why try to force yourself to hang out with them when you have nothing in common? You will just end up with awkward silence and gazing around the room and trying to think of something stupid and mundane to talk about! What's the point of that? I'd rather spend my time with people I know I am comfortable with or by myself where I do not need to feel awkward and wonder why the hell I decided to hang out with these people.

A person may be super nice and cool but for some reason there is a personality clash that stops you and this other person to really connect. I'm not sure how it all works, it's a wonder to me why I don't feel comfortable with a certain person. I may like them a lot and really want to be friends with them but there's just something there that doesn't allow me to be their friend. I become their acquiantance but nothing more. We make small talk but it never goes any further than that. Sometimes I feel like it's probably because I'm in some way intimidated by them and I don't want to look stupid in front of them so I hold myself back from my idiot personality. But sometimes you just don't have ANYTHING in common. It's sooo weird how you can have conversation after conversation with someone and feel completely comfortable with them. But once you sit down and try to hold a conversation with someone else, you got nothing! You can't think of anything to talk about!!!! You sit there staring at the wall and then decide to bring up how nice they're coat is or something lame like that. Then proceed to talk about mundane things that you don't really actually care about, like where they got that coat and how much it costed. After that another awkward silence follows..."now what?" is what you're thinking and wondering when you can go home or hoping for someone to come by to save you from this dreadful conversation.

I probably now sound like a little snob that sits at home and only associates with her clique of friends. I do try to meet new people, but it's not as easy at it sounds. I'm shy, I'm an introvert, a wallflower at parties. I don't talk to people unless they talk to me. My friends think that I'm really good with small talk and can talk to anyone and even fake like i'm interested (I'm not always faking). Even if I don't hang out with someone doesn't mean that I hate them, it's just that I can't be anymore than just an aquiantance with them. So pretty much what I'm trying to say is that I'm sick of being fake and rather just avoid you! haha Well, how about I just save everyone the awkwardness and just go our separate ways? It's really a waste of time. Small talk can only go so far until you run out of dumb things to talk about. I say, if you already know you can't be any more than acquiantances with someone, don't let the small talk go longer than it has to. Go out and meet other people and make small talk and see if it goes further than that, don't waste time on awkward silences.