When I Was Little...

This is response to my sister's blog post, "More resolutions and a proposal" (www.michellerlee.com/blog)...

I remember when I was little time couldn't move slower! I remember laying in bed wishing I could I just jump into my 20's, skip everything that would lead up to it. I remember thinking, oooh if I could be 20 now everything would be great! I will be an adult and I'll be happy and be able to do whatever I want! I was a pretty sheltered child, deprived of hanging out with my friends and going to birthday parties and sleepovers. (I think my first sleepover at a friend's house was when I was a junior in high school!) So everything I pretty much knew of the outside world was learned through movies, tv shows and observing my friend's lives. Yes, I know this is sad and a little pathetic. But hey! What do you expect me, as a child to do? I had to learn from what I could. This could explain a lot of where my naiveness comes from but I like to think that despite this I have grown to become a well-centered person. I don't know everything there is to know about growing up and all that good stuff but who does?

When watching people in their 20's when i was little it always seemed to me that they were so much more important, much more happier. I always wanted that growing up. To be happy. My childhood was happy in it's own ways, happier now that I look back on it than it was while I was living it. I was a naive little kid growing up and I remember always regretting being it. I still sort of do, but would I really would have wanted the truth about things? I was innocent at the time and didn't know better. Well what's done is done and I can't have regrets. Looking back at me as a child has made me realize that I haven't really changed all that much. Which I like to think that I was a pretty mature kid back in the day (and not the other way around, that I'm immature now). I may have been naive about some things but I knew my fair share of what life had in store for me.

At last, I'm in my 20's. 22 to be exact. (I always though 23 would be the ideal age because my life in "the real world" would start.) But now that I'm in my 20's I don't feel any different. I feel like I'm still 18. Perhaps it's because I'm still in college and I haven't gotten out into "the real world" yet. But that time is coming soon and I'm scared. I feel like I need to buy myself more time before I get out into that world. I need more experience! I don't know anything yet! ahhhh! I can just give myself an aneurysm stressing about such things. But it's all a part of life and soon enough I will have to put myself out there and just take it all in. When I say I'm surprised I actually got this far, I really mean it. I never thought I would have. But here I am, 22. geez. This is insane! My mom believes that I lead a lucky life and has said since I was little that I am the "successful" one. I'm not sure what told her that but I do have to say that things have pretty much worked out for me one way or another and hopefully will continue to do so in the future! It's so funny when I talk to my mom. Whenever I'm needing luck for anything she always says she'll pray for me and if and when i do get the results I wanted she believes it was her prayers that were answered that got me what I wanted (I like to think that I had something to do with it as well). Well so far, so good, keep praying mom! :)

Up to this point in my life, I'm pretty happy with who I am. (well...I have my days.) I like to think I'm a good person and nice to everyone I come in contact with. (Maybe too nice to everyone sometimes...) But I have stuck to one thing that I'm proud of that I always vowed never to do when i was little. That was to never smoke a cigarette or try any illegal drugs. Maybe it doesn't sound so great of an accomplishment but I'm proud I haven't. Will I keep this vow? I sure hope so, I have no intention to start experimenting anytime soon, that's for sure. I wanted to make sure that if I died young it wasn't because of drugs or cigarettes. Weird thing to make sure of...but it was something I wanted when I was little. As a kid everything seemed so black and white but now growing up there are areas of gray. I have grown to accept certain things and realize that maybe all things aren't bad. Not to say that drugs aren't bad but that the people doing them aren't all bad and they may not be all addicts... Maybe some people just need to experiment with everything to see what's out there. What becomes bad is if they become an addict, that's when trouble hits. But I think I've become ok with people "experimenting", not saying I know a lot of people that have or do. To tell you the honest truth, if a close friend of mine told me they were doing drugs I would probably freak out and not hang out with them a lot (the naive side of me shows here). But if someone were to tell me they've tried a few things, I'd be ok more with it than if I was a child.

I keep my mind open to all viewpoints and I'm willing to listen to everyone's opinions. I try to take all things into account and make my own opinions from there on. I try not to be too judgemental but just sit and listen to what others have to say. I like other ways of seeing things and understand people's concerns about issues. I still have a lot of learning and growing to do. So in conclusion, my new year's resolution (along with many others which are more like life-long resolutions) is to look more optimistically at my future, live my life as an experience from which I can learn from and hopefully bring me to a closer understanding of what I want from life. So now that I'm in my 20's I should be try to be more happier and make my childhood dreams come true. :) Ask me in 8 years how I did! haha My motto for life is, "You live and you learn".

P.S. In other news, I got the job at the Biotechnology New Media Center! Yay! (Again, thanks mom for your prayers!)