In the Dark

One of the most annoying things and possibly my biggest pet peeve is not knowing where I stand in a situation. It's the worst when you are told by someone that they will get back to you, call you or let you know, but they never do or they just keep stringing you along like a dumb fool who doesn't know what's really coming to them. I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark when all I really need to do is just flip the switch and turn the light on. But the pressures and intimidation of the situation keeps me from asking the questions I need to be asking. Instead I give them the benefit of the doubt and trust their word that they will get back to me. I am left forever waiting in the dark until finally I realize that they will never get back to me and the whole situation is just hopeless. I realize that all that time I've been sitting in the dark, waiting, hoping for them to come and back and turn the light on was a joke on my part; I need to stop waiting and turn the light on myself.

Each time something like this happens I am reminded that sitting and waiting is not an option. I have to pick myself up and either confront the situation or drop it altogether. I can't rely on someone else to come through on their word, therefore I can only rely on myself. It's quite sad to think that someone's word no longer means anything to me anymore. I trust people more with their actions than I do with their words. If you give me your word, I'll take it, but I'll remain skeptical till you follow through.

Is Love Blind?

-moments before they saw each for the first time-

Just recently The Mix FM 101.9 here in Chicago decided to find out if Love is Blind. To test this out they performed a social experiment with a woman (Laura) and a man (Ted). The woman was chosen from 4 other women, each were questioned and listeners texted in their votes with who they liked the best. After the woman was chosen it was then time to find the man of her dreams. Men who were looking for true love called in, 5 were chosen. From the 5 men she questioned each about their morals, lifestyles, etc. Then she chose one man, Ted. They then had scheduled phone calls through the radio station to talk to each other on air, this went on for 2 weeks, they talked only 10 times over the phone to be exact. What happens after 2 weeks you ask? Well, they're supposed to get married of course! Well, it didn't really happen like it was hyped up to be. Like me you're probably thinking how could two people fall in love and get married by just talking to each other for 2 weeks? Remember neither of them have actually met each other face to face. The first day that they do see each other is on their wedding day! yikes! Well as that day came, dressed up in their tuxedos and wedding gear, Ted and Laura finally see each other face to face at the alter. They reveal to everyone that they are not yet "in love" but "in like" and would like to keep dating and know each other more before they get married. This comes to no surprise to me, and I'm sure to a lot of the other listeners. 2 weeks is just too little time to get to know someone.

The radio station claimed that they could have stayed with the couple and let them continue conversing for longer but at some point it needed to have a conclusion. So two weeks was their end point. They provided the means for a wedding to take place only if the couple wanted to get married. In other words, it was there for them if they were ready. But nothing was forced upon them and they were free to make their decision on that day.

But if you ask me,I'm just glad they didn't get married. Call me a pessimist or whatever, but I believe love is something that takes time. Blind love...it's a nice thought but I think physical attractiveness to the other sex is necessary. Yes, you can find someone more attractive through their personality. But if you're not physically attracted to someone and but they have a great personality...come on, let's be real, they're never gonna be more than just a friend. Call me shallow if you wish, but it's true. Being in love is the whole package, you gotta love the person inside and out, completely and totally, with everything you have.

Ahhhh!!!

AHHHHH!!!! Today is just one of those days...you know, the day that NOTHING feels right. Everything is going wrong, and you just feel like you have no confidence whatsoever! You feel like everyone is just laughing at you and you wonder why they even bother. God! All I want to do is just scream my eyes out today. I have for a bit but stopped in fear that my neighbors might think I'm insane or being murdered. ARGH!!! I hate this day!

If I could get drunk, I would today...not even a couple of sodas will cheer me up.

Losing Touch

Kindergarten buddies.

I find it sad when your best friend in 2nd grade now no longer wants to be your friend after so many years. Let me give an example, I was best friends with this girl from 5th grade to 6th grade. We were inseparable, we did everything together, and we went over to each other's houses to play. We told each other all of our secrets and we understood each other. We had our inside jokes and we knew each other's crushes in class. But when I approached her recently to make an effort to catch up she sort of blew me off. But surprisingly another best friend I had when I was in kindergarden approached me and we caught up! I'm not saying that some alcoholic beverage didn't help her talk to me but it was nice to know that she remembered me and the times we used to hang out. I guess realistically thinking about it. Too much time has passed, you've both done a lot of growing and you are no longer the same person as you were before. You're both practically...strangers to one another. But perhaps it's the innocence in me that believes that there is some part of them that does remember what they were once like and the childhood memories we shared. And if we really wanted to we could be best friends again, just pick up where we left off in 2nd grade. But what most likely happens is that the other person is not interested and will not want to make an effort to get to know you again.

If they did not wrong you or you did not wrong them in any way, I don't see why there shouldn't be a reunion. However, if something did go down between you two than that would be totally understandable. I mean you guys used to be BFFs(BEST FRIENDS FOREVER), and now we are strangers. Maybe I'm naive to think you could see someone you haven't seen in 10 years and expect to sit down and catch up on the 10 years you missed out.

I'm the year of the pig and pig people like to keep lifelong friends. So it saddens me to see a friend I used to know so well pretend we no longer know each other anymore. As long as there are no wrong doings toward each other I don't understand why we couldn't be friends again. But if they don't want to be your friend again then maybe you shouldn't want to be their friend either. It's a sad realization but at some point you have to just accept it and move on.

Far Away

I would like to move far far away from here.

Oink! Oink!

Happy Chinese New Year! This is the year of the pig and as some of you may know it's my year! I think it's a good thing but I have read that it can also be a bad year too if it's your year. But I hope it's mostly good, cause I think I could use it. Lately, I've been getting a lot of signs that tell me I'm gonna be lucky.

I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day, telling her about how I have this annoying twitch on my left eye that usually only happens very rarely. However, this twitching has been going on all week and still is! I know this happens to my mom and sister sometimes so I was hoping maybe they would be able to give me a remedy or some solution. But all I got was,

"You said it's in your left eye?"

"Yes mom, my left eye."

"Oh well, that's a lucky sign! If it's in your right eye it's bad but the left eye twitch is lucky!"

haha Well, let's hope she's right! Maybe this will mean I'll find a job soon???!!

The Hunt Begins...

So, college is officially over and I'm in the market for a job. Which really means that I've been a giant bum lately. With no job, no cell phone, all my friends in madison...I'm pretty much stuck at home all day on the couch in pjs, surfin the web for jobs, and waiting for phone calls. Not being in school and having things to do can really get you in the habit to be really lazy. Which of course is not a good thing. Every day that passes by I feel like I'm wasting the day and not getting anything accomplished. But I suppose that's just what job hunting is all about, being and enjoying the bum lifestyle while it lasts. Hopefully for me this won't last too much longer, or I could be in trouble.

Here is where I shamelessly plug myself: If anyone has any connections for me in the graphic design world I would greatly appreciate some help!

~Laura was my first visitor! yippeee! :D I'm still waiting for you other madison peeps...

Near the End, Nearer to a New Beginning

Two more weeks of school left of my undergraduate career! I can't believe it! I don't think it's really sunk in quite yet and it probably won't till I get myself a job. It's quite exciting but sad at the same time; bittersweet if you will. I'm hopeful for a new beginning and great things (independence for one), but I'll be leaving my old friends behind to make more friends. While I will miss my friends dearly I know they will also one day have to leave for greater and better things too. For now, it's my time to do just that.

Here I am, four days before I am 23; hopeful, scared, unexperienced, fresh, and willing to learn new things. I'm almost there, 23, my ideal age. I hope it lives up to everything I hoped for.

A new chapter of my life is beginning...(deep breath)

What's this?!

If you have grown up in a Chinese family you understand how it is growing up not being able to date or talk to the other sex without knowing that if you got caught talking to them that you would have a lot of explaining to do later. Ever since I can remember my mom told my sister and I "No dating till after you graduate from college and you have a good job and you can support yourself!" We would ask why and she would always say because we should focus on our studies and boys are a waste of time. Which maybe isn't far from the truth! haha. But even having guy friends causes problems with my mother. We constantly have to convince her that a friend is just a friend and nothing more, we can only talk but if anything more happens it's just not acceptable; going to a movie or grabbing lunch with a guy friend is questionable to my mother. But once you reach that point in your life that you have been out of school for a while parents and grandparents are all of sudden on your back questioning why you aren't married yet and with kids! The switch is so extreme it's absolutely ridiculous! They expect us to grow up not talking to boys or have anything to do with them to why aren't you married yet? If we actually listened to our parents and never talked to the opposite sex we would never be socially capable to interact with the other sex to date let alone to get married!

However, last night I was finally given the permission from my mother to date! ha! I was telling her how grandma was already telling me earlier that day that I was graduating soon and how I should probably have a boyfriend now. My mom says under breath, "I don't care, you can have a boyfriend if you want to." Wow, I didn't think I'd ever hear those words come out of her mouth.

Elevators are Awkward

I've said it once and I'll say it again...

It's Official

The fall semester has started. If all goes as planned, this will be the last semester of my undergraduate college career. Yikes. It sounds so final, and too soon. But all things must come to an end at some point. I better make sure to make this last semester a memorable fun one! Because after this year, it down to serious business...or something like that.

Did you know?

So I finally moved into my new apt. and things are pretty decent. Besides the fact that the place smells like paint, the hallway smells like ass crack and armpit and it's smaller than the old apt. things are fine so far. We do live right by the new apartment complex filled with rich kids. They like to stay up late and drink on their balconies while yelling at pedestrians passing by. Not so great when you are trying to sleep at 2am and they are dropping glass bottles from their balconies...damn those rich kids.

In other news, since when did they start putting "Did you know?" factoids on sweet & sour packets? I sorta feel that the two are completely unrelated, but maybe it's not? Are we all getting dumb these days that food companies feel like it is their job to educate the general public? Or is it that we are all so hungry for knowlege that the best way of feeding it to us is literally putting it on our food???

Mousie Mousie

Kat and I finally found a place to live! phew. Well we still need to turn in the lease and our deposit but when that is over it is settled. I already looked at the place and our room looks like a bigger version of a dorm room. My new bedroom will be half the size of the one I have now and I'm just hoping my stuff will fit in there. It's like living in a box, not many windows and stuffy. But it's not all that bad, but then again I did only see the model. Not the actual room I'll be living in. I was telling my mom about the place and expressed concern about how it seemed almost too good to be true. It is cheap and in the campus area and they offer semester leases! Since I have only seen the model I wonder if there will be rats in my room.

My mother's response to this was to tell me about how we have rats in our house now and in the old house we had rats too. Mice maybe, not rats...She then proceeded to tell me about one time my dad set out mouse traps around the house and he caught one but it was still alive and when he went to retrieve it, it got away. But from then on there were no more mice in our house. This is her reasoning why there were no more mice in our house anymore: "You know why there were no more mice in the house???!!! That's because the mouse that got away went to all the other mouses and told them, "DON'T GO IN THAT HOUSE! IT'S DANGEROUS!!!!", yeah that's what the mouse did, it may sound crazy but I believe this! Rats are like humans, they're smart!" haha It's too funny, I couldn't stop laughing on the other line, just the way she said it was classic too! But who knows maybe that's what really happened! :) If you would like to hear a reenactment of it, call me! heehee

Look For Me In The Next Upcoming Comics

Is It Just Me Or Does It Seem Obvious?

I was sitting at the terrace with a friend dipping our feet in the lake when a guy stands next to us and asks, "So, is this a lake or a river?"

Well, if anyone has ever seen Lake Mendota, you can clearly see there is land all around the Lake. But maybe it's not as obvious as I think it is? Is this guy for real? Or is this his idea of a pick up line? ha.

Ok Go- "A Million Ways"

I enjoy this video and I hope you do as well! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkCfh7ayDms&search=Ok%20Go

Nostalgic

Everytime I look back at old baby pictures and then see pictures of me today, I get a weird feeling. It's more of a "WHOA!!! How did I get here?? How did this happen???!! How did this girl (younger) become THIS girl (older)???!!" I feel sorta old and then it makes me wonder what I will look like in the future. I long for the good ol' days sometime and wish for my young innocence back and then I see where I am today and wonder how in the world did I ever get here and have done things I have done. It's a really humbling experience really. I see myself as a child and I can still remember what went through my mind when I was that young and how shy I used to be, I still am but to a lesser degree. When I was little I always dreamed that my adulthood (20's mostly) would be the best years ever. I would be outgoing and happy with life, even though I am not the most outgoing person I know, I believe I've improved a great deal since grade school and I may not be insanely happy now, but I'm content now and hopefull that one day I'll be happy happy happy. Looking back on it, I'm proud that I have done some the things I done and known some of the people I've known.

As the years pass I have really taken great appreciation for my friends. They are really the best people I know and I love them dearly. I often wonder how did I become so lucky to know them and what makes me so special to be in their lives? Do they appreciate me as much as I appreciate them? But I try not to worry about that too much, as long as they talk to me and seem friendly to me, that is enough. I'm lucky in many ways and I'm glad that I am where I am today. Yes, there could be improvement but I am content for now.

Moooooooo

The cow parade has made it to Madison!!! When I first saw these in Chicago I thought they were ugly and stupid but now that they are in here in Madison I think they're neat! It gives people something fun to do while they take walks. People around the city have been taking their turns getting their pictures taken with the cows. One man even asked to have his picture taken with a cow on my camera. heehee There are 101 cows in Madison but not all of them are in the downtown area. These cows will be auctioned off and the money goes to non-profit organizations and charity. More pictures can be found at: www.sarahleemyphotoalbum.com. And more pictures still need to be taken! :)

Haircut

No folks, this is not a wig. I got a haircut! I haven't had my hair this short since grade school!! Craziness! Well some people think I look like an old woman with this haircut...do I really? One friend went as far as saying that I look like his mother and his mom has the same hairstyle! haha

The Return of the Wig Party

So we had another great wig/dress wacky/dress up party! This time it was with different people and since weather outside sucked not as many showed up as wanted but it was still great times at our house. :P Thanks for all that did come though, you made it quite a memorable night!!! haha More pictures at: www.sarahlee.myphotoalbum.com