My Most Memorable Years

So I'm one of the many that are horrible at keeping in touch with their friends. But if someone does try to keep in touch with me I will usually send back a message or a phone call. It's just hard during college when everyone is so busy I don't want to bother anyone and half the time I don't really know if they care about my uncontrollable ramblings. So I'm usually on a don't tell till they ask sort of basis. Don't get me wrong I love and cheerish my friends dearly it's just that we're all so busy that I don't want to impose any one. However, from time to time I do try to send out a quick message to a friend I haven't spoken to in a long time just to check in and see how they're doing. I do have to admit that online networking sites such as facebook.com and myspace.com has actually helped in this area. I have now been able to keep in touch with more friends and family easier than I have before by sending out casual messages back and forth. Not only that, but I have been able to look at their pictures and see what they've been up to, and that's the most fun part. :)

I've had some of the best friends through my elementary-middle school years. I went to a small Catholic school so everyone in the class knew each other all pretty well. In 8th grade we were dubbed "The 12 apostles" to Sr. Lois our religion teacher. A few of us also knew each other since kindergarden. Imagine knowing someone for 9 years and then never talking to them again. It's such a weird/sad thing. I really grew close these people and right when I was really feeling comfortable with everyone we all had to split up and go our seperate ways to high school. I'm not sure what about grade school I liked so much, but perhaps it was the innocence we all shared... There have been many times when I think back about my grade school days and wonder how everyone is doing and I long to see them and talk to them again. Everything I remember of them is when they were 13 or younger. So when and if I ever see these people again that is all I know of them and I expect them to be that same person. But the truth is that they won't be, they'll be different and grown up and even completely unrecognizable in person. I have some fond memories of my childhood and the friends I had back in the day. And if I could have a class reunion with them I would. Screw high school, I'm not attending that one, I did make a few friends in high school but my friends in grade school were the bomb. But then again...maybe I don't want to see these old friends again...maybe it'll ruin my expectations of them?

The craziest thing is when you lose touch with someone that was once close to you and you see a picture of them years later and you can't even recognize them anymore. A few months ago I went back home and met up with some friends and bumped into an old friend of mine back in first grade! We didn't even recognize each other at all. But we had a mutual friend and she was standing there like "You guys know each other, you went school together!" and we both look at each other thinking "what? she's crazy! I don't know her!", but then she said our names "Lindsay, Sarah Lee..." Then we were like "NOOOO WAYY!!!" We were quite shocked but after a while of looking at each other I was able to recognize her with her cute dimples that she still retained. :) It was quite amazing but at the same time it was really sad because even though we now knew each other were we did not talk to each other much that night. It's not like you can pick up where you left off when you were in first grade and be best friends again...things are different, so much has changed! It's so sad, and as much as I feel like I'm still that same girl as I was in first grade, I wouldn't try to be her best friend again because she has probably changed a lot. But really who knows, until you try and talk again? The reason why I bring this is up is because I just found out yesterday that one of my best friends in grade school Amanda Gay, has just passed away on Monday due to a car accident. As I was looking the information of the accident up I saw a high school senior picture of her and she did not look at all like I remembered her. If I passed her on the street I would not have recognized her at all...that's very sad to me. I lost touch with her pretty much after 8th grade but have always thought about her and even when I had dreams of grade school friends she was always in them. I used to go over to her house and get rides from her and her parents to school events, I even got to visit the barn her horse was kept and got to see her ride her horse! She was always a fun loving friend and super goofy and always made the class laugh! She was a great person and will definitely be missed.

Losing Patience

I have now finally come to the point in my life where if I do not feel comfortable with a group of people or person, I make it a point not to go out with them. Why try to force yourself to hang out with them when you have nothing in common? You will just end up with awkward silence and gazing around the room and trying to think of something stupid and mundane to talk about! What's the point of that? I'd rather spend my time with people I know I am comfortable with or by myself where I do not need to feel awkward and wonder why the hell I decided to hang out with these people.

A person may be super nice and cool but for some reason there is a personality clash that stops you and this other person to really connect. I'm not sure how it all works, it's a wonder to me why I don't feel comfortable with a certain person. I may like them a lot and really want to be friends with them but there's just something there that doesn't allow me to be their friend. I become their acquiantance but nothing more. We make small talk but it never goes any further than that. Sometimes I feel like it's probably because I'm in some way intimidated by them and I don't want to look stupid in front of them so I hold myself back from my idiot personality. But sometimes you just don't have ANYTHING in common. It's sooo weird how you can have conversation after conversation with someone and feel completely comfortable with them. But once you sit down and try to hold a conversation with someone else, you got nothing! You can't think of anything to talk about!!!! You sit there staring at the wall and then decide to bring up how nice they're coat is or something lame like that. Then proceed to talk about mundane things that you don't really actually care about, like where they got that coat and how much it costed. After that another awkward silence follows..."now what?" is what you're thinking and wondering when you can go home or hoping for someone to come by to save you from this dreadful conversation.

I probably now sound like a little snob that sits at home and only associates with her clique of friends. I do try to meet new people, but it's not as easy at it sounds. I'm shy, I'm an introvert, a wallflower at parties. I don't talk to people unless they talk to me. My friends think that I'm really good with small talk and can talk to anyone and even fake like i'm interested (I'm not always faking). Even if I don't hang out with someone doesn't mean that I hate them, it's just that I can't be anymore than just an aquiantance with them. So pretty much what I'm trying to say is that I'm sick of being fake and rather just avoid you! haha Well, how about I just save everyone the awkwardness and just go our separate ways? It's really a waste of time. Small talk can only go so far until you run out of dumb things to talk about. I say, if you already know you can't be any more than acquiantances with someone, don't let the small talk go longer than it has to. Go out and meet other people and make small talk and see if it goes further than that, don't waste time on awkward silences.

Booooo!!!

Alas, spring break has come and gone. And I didn't go anywhere exciting or do anything that extrodinary. :( Well...not including the Pamela Anderson, Tommy Lee porn and Paris Hilton video I saw...(god, don't ask me why and how it all came about, all I have to say about it is that I had some crazy/nightmares that night!) When I start working and making the bucks I better travel a lot to make up for this! I did go to Chicago for one day and went through the whole Art Institute building. It was great but my feet were aching after going through the whole thing. Then this past weekend my cousin from Chicago and her boyfriend came to visit me in Madison. I'm so glad she came because I've been begging her to come out and visit me at college. Believe it or not, she is 23 and this was the farthest she's been without her parents! :) YAY! Break was relaxing and I didn't do anything productive (I did have work). Today I'm sad that we are back to classes and wished that break lasted longer. ho hum.

The only exciting thing that I did discover over break was that the new iphoto version has a great color filter tool. So I've been taking pictures and digging back to old photos and putting color filters on all of them!!! Sooo much fun, ok I realize I am a dork! I showed this to my roommate and she thought I was a total nerd ( I was called a nerd 2 times this week!). haha And to think that I almost bought a one time use camera at a store that had a one color filter! Screw that when you can do it easily on iphoto digitally. I know you can do this in photoshop too but it's so much easier this way! YAY for color filters! :) So needless to say, this has been keeping me busy the past two nights! I must get an ilife upgrade on my computer somehow!

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